Parshat
Reeh
27 Av 5767
August 11, 2007
Daf Yomi: Yevamos 100
Guest
Rabbi:
Rabbi Eliyahu Rabovsky
Young Israel of Boca Raton, FL
Coping with
the loss of loved ones is one of the greatest tests people
confront. It can present an individual with a roller coaster of
emotions. Denial, anger, sorrow, regret, and loneliness are just
some of the raging feelings that can occur. And then there are
those individuals who say they feel nothing. They are numbed by
the experience, and, in a sense frozen by it. They are
emotionally out in the cold, and become cold and indifferent to
much around them.
Is there a prescribed emotional structure of mourning in
Judaism? I think not. In reality, how could there be? We are all
different: sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, husbands and
wives, brothers and sisters. We love differently, we care
differently, and we discharge our duties differently. As no two
relationships even in the same family are identical, so too must
the loss of those relationships be a unique and distinct
experience.
The Torah in our Parsha this week gives us some perspectives in
understanding the truth about loss. Knowing these teachings can
help on the emotional front in our own coping, and in helping
others find their peace.
The Torah states in Perek 14 verses 1-2: “You are children to
HaShem, your G-d, you shall not cut yourselves, and you shall
not make a bald spot between your eyes for a dead person. For
you are a holy people to HaShem, your G-d, and HaShem has chosen
you for Himself to be a treasured people from among all of the
people on the face of the earth.”
Here the Torah is forbidding certain specific and extreme forms
of showing grief. These practices of cutting the skin or
removing hair, as commonplace as they were among nations of the
world, were outlawed to Am Yisrael. The commentaries elaborate
on the reasons why these forms of mourning were forbidden.
The Ramban writes that the title given to us in verse 2,
“treasured people,” explains the reason for the restrictions of
verse 1. He explains that the term Am Kadosh, a holy nation,
refers to a promise of spiritual eternity – the soul endures
forever. This being the case, extreme grief is inappropriate.
The loss is only in this physical and temporal world; how can
one show such anguish?
This begs the question, “If the key is the Neshama, the
spiritual essence of the person, which is everlasting, then why
mourn at all?” To this the Ramban says, “… the Torah did not
forbid crying because one’s nature leads to crying when
separating from a loved one, even during life itself.”
Two points I wish to highlight from this Ramban:
1. The Torah is stating that there is a basic nature in a person
to be pained at the separation of a loved one. The Torah does
not expect, or even want us to change that feeling, for that
would be unnatural.
2. This basic nature can and should not be tempered by the
belief that the loss is not total, that the Neshama lives
forever.
The Even Ezra explains the connection between the beginning and
ending of the first verse. “Since you know you are children to
HaShem, and that His love is greater than that of a father to
his children, do not exhibit this extreme grief. All that He
does is for an ultimate good. If you cannot see the good in it,
you should have trust in Him that indeed there is good in it.
Just as children who do not understand their parents’ decisions,
but on faith born out of the love they know their parents have
for them, accept those decisions as being in their best
interest, so too should you…”
From this comment of the Even Ezra, we see that our
understanding of HaShem’s loving relationship to us can be so
powerful that it can enable us to accept, on faith, even the
harshest losses. We are a people that have trusted G-d, even in
the most difficult of times. That trust is a legacy from which
all Jews can draw strength.
The Sforno, in his comment on the first verse, offers an
astounding elaboration on the role of our relationship to HaShem
and how it can help one through times of mourning:
“It isn’t fitting to express ultimate worry or pain at the loss
of a relation when a dearer, closer, and more beneficial
relation remains. Therefore, ‘you are children of G-d,’ a Father
that will never leave you; with the reality of Him in your life,
no loss can be so utterly devastating.”
The Torah, through the insight of the Sforno, is teaching us a
lesson for all times. It is within a Jewish man or woman to walk
through life with such a strong presence of HaShem that His
presence can console at the time of mourning, even when the
losses appear to be crippling. All could seemingly be taken, but
still that enduring relationship with HaShem, filled with love
and compassion, remains, and with it, the Jew carries forward,
never to be alone.
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