There is a story told of a rabbi who had ten beautiful children.  The rabbi often met with people to council them on their personal problems.  One day at his home, he met with a forty- three year-old woman who was greatly pained because she had never married and had no children.  When the session came to an end, he escorted the woman to the door.  As the woman turned to say goodbye, she noticed the ten children.  Some of them were setting the table, some were cleaning, and some were playing with each other.  She remarked to the rabbi, “Rabbi, you have such a nice family.  Why has G-d blessed you with so many beautiful children, and He won’t even give me one?” The rabbi did not respond, and the woman left.

 

The children overheard this and were aghast!  The rabbi responded to his children, “That woman has no idea how many tears your mother and I have shed, or how many tehillim we have recited, or how much charity we have given so that HaShem would protect and bless all of you!”

 

At the end of this week’s parsha, Va’eschanan, the Torah tells why we are to be a holy people to G-d, why we are so treasured and loved before Him, and why we are chosen.

 

“Not because you are more numerous than all the peoples did HaShem desire you and choose you, for you are the fewest of all the peoples.  Rather, because of HaShem’s love for you and because He observes the oath that He swore to your forefathers did He take you out with a strong hand and redeem you from the house of slavery ….  You must know that HaShem, your G-d — He is the G-d, the faithful G-d, Who safeguards the covenant and the kindness for those who love Him and for those who observe His commandments, for a thousand generations. (Deut. 7:7-10)

 

The first reason G-d loves us is because of His loyalty to our forefathers.   The next reason He loves us is because we show our loyalty to Him through the performance of the commandments.

 

Earlier in the parsha, there is repetition of the Ten Commandments.  The fifth commandment is to Honor your father and mother.  The Midrash explains that the first five commandments are decrees that involve man to G-d.  The last five are decrees that involve man’s relationship with other men.  Why then is the mitzvah to honor one’s parents listed at number five? Isn’t it a man to man mitzvah?

 

Chazal explain that the precept of honoring our parents is based on loyalty.  If we can’t honor our parents who have done so much for us and are visible and tangible, then surely we will be negligent in honoring G-d, who continuously sustains us, and is neither visible nor tangible.

 

For this reason, honoring one’s parents is the foundation of a healthy relationship with our Creator, and in that sense it is actually a mitzvah between us and G-d.  The reason we need to raise children is to teach us how much G-d loves us.  The reason we need to have parents is to understand our challenges, and to work on developing the proper gratitude toward HaShem.

 

I have heard Rabbi Noah Orloweck describe love thusly: “If it is important to you, then it is important to me.” Ultimately every relationship contains this element.  G-d is not being petty when he says,” I love you because you do what I want you to do.”  It is the most basic statement of the human relationship condition.  If I value someone, I will do my best to give that person pleasure.  Often this means performing what is important to the loved one.  G-d, although not human, is no exception. The rabbi in our opening story understands this.  Good parenting is not just providing for the physical needs of one’s children or teaching them Torah. 

 

 One needs siyata d’shomya, help from heaven.  The rabbi understands that to elicit the Creator’s love and protection for his children, he and his wife first had to show their loyalty, commitment and love for the One who spoke and created the world.

 

Shabbat Shalom!