Parshas Devarim/Shabbos Chazon
8 Menachem Av 5768 /
9 August, 2008
Daf Yomi: Gitin 29
GUEST RABBI:
Rabbi Yitzchak Rabinowitz
Member, Associate Young Israel Council of Rabbis
The great Chassidic Rebbe, Reb Yisroel of Vizhnitz, would take a walk every evening with his attendant. One night they walked towards the home of a non-observant, wealthy banker. Without any explanation, the Rebbe knocked on the door of the banker’s home. Seeing the venerable sage at his front door, the banker respectfully ushered the rabbi in and offered him a chair. The Rebbe accepted and sat silently. The banker felt it was disrespectful to initiate the conversation so he leaned over to the attendant and quietly asked him what the Rebbe had come for. The attendant answered that he had no idea! Politely, the banker sat there and waited for the Rebbe to say something. The silence continued and after a while the Rebbe stood up to leave. Out of respect, the banker escorted the Rebbe all the way back to his home.
The banker could no longer contain himself and asked the Rebbe what he had come for. The Rebbe answered, “I came to perform a mitzvah. Our sages teach us ‘Just as it is a mitzvah to say something that will be listened to, so too it is a mitzvah not to say something that will not be listened to.’ Now, I can’t fulfill the mitzvah of not saying something that you would not listen to by sitting in my house without you, so I came to your house and didn’t say what would not be listened to!”
“But Rebbe,” said the banker. “Perhaps I will listen?”
“I’m positive you won’t listen,” said the Rebbe.
The man’s curiosity was burning and he begged the Rebbe to tell him. “Alright,” said the Rebbe.
“Mrs. A is a poor widow and she cannot meet the mortgage payments on her house. The bank is about to foreclose on her house and put her on the street. I would have asked you to forgo the loan but I didn’t because it’s a mitzvah not to say something that will not be listened to.”
Incredulously the banker said, “How can I forgo the loan? It’s not my money and besides it’s a huge amount…”
“I told you, you wouldn’t listen!” interrupted the Rebbe. With this they parted ways.
The Rebbe’s words penetrated the heart of the banker and he paid up the remainder of the widow’s mortgage with his own money. Successful rebuke is an art. It has to be delivered in the most effective way.
In this week’s parsha, the Torah tells us that Moshe spoke to the Jewish people, “after he had smitten Sichon, king of the Amorite, who dwelt in Cheshbon, and Og, king of the Bashan, who dwelt in Ashtaroth, in Edrei.” Rashi comments that the Torah is teaching us Moshe’s approach to admonishing the people. If he were to have rebuked them at an earlier stage, they might have responded negatively and said, “What good has he done for us? All he does is find a pretext against us since he does not have the power to take us into the land!” Therefore, Moshe waited until he conquered Sichon and Og and took their land as the first land acquisition of the Jewish people. Moshe understood that rebuke has to be calculated. He waited for an opportune time so that the people should feel that his criticism was sincere.
Rabbi Avraham Twerski, M.D., writes about his father’s method of discipline. If he disapproved of his son’s behavior he would shake his head and say (in Yiddish), “Es pahst nisht - this isn’t becoming of you. You’re too good to be behaving like that!” In this way, he elevated his son’s self esteem and disciplined him at the same time.
He applies this to the actions of Aharon HaKohen. Pirkei Avot, chapter 1, mishna 12 states, “Be among the disciples of Aharon, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving people and bringing them closer to Torah.” Rambam, in his commentary on Pirkei Avot, explains Aharon’s method of bringing people closer to Torah. If Aharon sensed or was told that someone was being sinful, he would approach that person, befriend him, and converse with him. The person would say to himself, “If Aharon knew what kind of a person I really am, he would never befriend me in such a manner. It must be he considers me an odom kasher - a genuinely observant Jew. I’m going to see to it that what he thinks of me is true!” This person says to himself, “Aharon assumes that I am living my life as a Jew should. Why does he assume that? Because the reality is that in essence, I am good! I’m going to prove him right!”
So often, people find it difficult to correct their ways because they are discouraged by their behavior. Aharon elevated the sinner and encouraged him to believe in his essential goodness. Rabbi Avraham Pam, zt’l, related that the father of one his students, an accomplished Torah scholar, approached him at the yeshiva and inquired about his son’s progress. Rabbi Pam responded that that the boy was bright but was not applying himself to his studies. The father immediately called his son over. Rabbi Pam was sure that the boy would receive a good tongue lashing. Instead, the father spoke to his son in a gentle tone and said, “Your rebbe tells me that you are doing quite well. Just a little more effort and you’ll be excellent!” The boy walked away feeling very pleased and eventually developed into an accomplished Torah scholar himself.
May we merit to see nachat from effective rebuke!
Shabbat Shalom.
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