Parshat Devarim
4 Av 5763
August 2, 2003

Daf Yomi: Zevachim 54

Guest Author:
Rabbi Reuven Spolter
Young Israel of Oak Park, MI

 

When I grew up, in our household, the six scariest words my mother could possibly say were, "Wait until your father gets home." We knew, that eventually, he would come home, and that it wasn't going to be pretty. It all depends on how bad you were.

Today though, we do things differently. Today, instead of hitting our children, we put them in "time out." Actually, they might have had "time out" in my parents' time -- but not in our house. Now that the shoe is on the other foot and I find myself putting my son in "time out," I have come to realize that punishing children is not easy. As much as our children hate it -- we hate it even more. Parenting, while incredibly rewarding, is by no means an easy job.

Not only does one have to make difficult decisions, the job itself is not that easy either. In Parshat Devarim, Moshe begins to recount the short history of the Jewish people in the desert. He almost immediately comes to the events known as chait hamiraglim -- the sin of the spies. The spies, returning to the camp from their tour of the Promised Land, attempt to convince the Jewish people that they cannot overcome their enemies. Moshe insists that G-d will protect the people, and lead His nation into the Land. Yet, listen to how Moshe recounts the events now, forty years later.

Says Moshe: G-d has fought for you in Egypt -- and He will continue to do so. G-d has scouted the route before you in the desert, finding you places to camp. G-d has led you both in the daytime with the pillar of cloud, and at night with the pillar of fire. He will continue to do this for you as you conquer the Holy Land. Finally Moshe says, "Look at how G-d has carried you in this desert: kaesher yisa eesh es bino -- as a parent carries his child, so He has carried you to this point...and He will not abandon you now."

What does Moshe mean when he describes G-d as a parent who carries a child? What message does Moshe communicate to his people, and to us? Rashi quotes a Midrash, which relates a beautiful parable. Why does G-d carry his people? Imagine a parent, accompanied by his child on a journey. As they travel on the road, the parent sees a band of thugs approaching from the front. So, he pushes his child behind him for protection. Then he sees wild animals approaching from behind. He cannot put the child in front or behind. What does he do? He lifts the child onto his shoulders and fights off his assailants. G-d acts as a parent because He put the interests of His people ahead of His own. He lifts the Jewish people on His shoulders, keviyochel, and fights our battles for us.

Yet, Moshe's description of G-d as a parent to the Jewish people teaches us a great deal more about the responsibilities and trials of parenting. Any parent would gladly put himself at risk to protect his child. That's human nature. Yet, the way Moshe describes Him, G-d acts in other ways as well.
Says Moshe: "God scouted the route before you, finding a place for you to camp." This is an important job for every parent as well. The places the people camped were not always ideal sites. Some places had no water, others no food. As we all know well, the world is a large and scary place. Experience teaches us many lessons that we would rather our children not learn the hard way. On the other hand, there are other times when we have to let our children discover the dangers of the world on their own, and learn their own lessons. A parent must guide her child, finding where that child fits in the world, and give a child a sense of place and well being that will allow that individual child to reach his or her potential.

In addition, says Moshe, "G-d led during the day with the cloud and during the night with a pillar of fire." Every child has great times -- wonderful successful times when the guidance is easy. Yet, there will always be times when things do not go right and our children encounter problems and difficulties they cannot navigate alone. It is then that the parent must guide, providing a pillar of fire to lead through those dark times, to help the child reach the brightness of another day.

Yet, leading one's children implies more than simple guidance. Leading as G-d does, implies leading by example. It entails walking before your children and showing them how to act and behave and how to navigate the maze of life. G-d does not simply give the Jewish people a map and send us on our way. He travels before us, leading us by the hand, showing us the path to follow to the Promised Land.

This type of leadership and guidance is the most difficult of all to give, because it is a leadership of action and example. If we want our children to be able to navigate difficult times and find their way in the world, we too must act with grace, poise and dignity, even in the face of difficult, sometimes overwhelming circumstances. If we want our children to have a strong connection to the Jewish faith and people, that will only come to them because we have it as well. Says the Gemara in Yevomos hamadrich banav biderech yishara alav omer viyadata ki shalom ohavecha -- One who leads his sons and daughters in the proper way, about him it is written, "and you shall know that peace is beloved to you." Notice the language the Gemara chooses -- hamadrich -- one who leads his children, on the proper path. When we lead the way, then our children follow. This cannot be something that comes only from teachers and educators at school. Primarily, children learn from their parents. Only when parents make Judaism integral to their daily lives will that integration occur within their children as well.