* * * * *
THE WEEKLY SIDRA- TOLDOS
Rabbi Moshe Greebel
Being able to successfully communicate with children, whether one’s own or another’s, has always been considered a talent not shared by everyone. Countless books, articles, papers, and periodicals specialize in the development of constructive relationships with children, and how to deal with them on a daily basis. Since relating positively to children is so essential to any civilized society, it could be expected that the Torah has much to say on the subject- which indeed, it does. Take this week’s Sidra, for example:
“And Yitzchak loved Aisav, because there was trapped game (of Aisav) for his mouth; but Rivka loved Ya’akov.” (B’raishis 25:28)
Rashi on this Passuk (verse) explained:
“For his mouth…..According to the Targum (Aramaic translation of Onk’los), it is for the mouth of Yitzchak. According to the Midrashic interpretation, it is with the mouth of Aisav, who would trap his father, and deceive him with words.”
In essence, Aisav was a deceitful person, which we can also see from the Rashi on the previous Passuk (ibid 25:27):
“A man who knew trapping, a man of the field…..He knew to trap and deceive his father with his mouth. He would ask him, ‘Father, how is Ma’aser (tithe) taken from salt and from straw?’ His father would then think that he (Aisav) was heedful of Miztvos.”
Needless to say, Ma’aser is not taken from salt or straw, but was Aisav’s way of pretending to his father, with his mouth, how pious he was. Rav Meir Rubman (passed away in 1967) of blessed memory, posed the following in his work Zichron Meir. How was it possible that Yitzchak did not recognize the true nature of his son Aisav, and was duped into loving him? Has it not always been the manner of Chachamim to distinguish the very nature of each and every person? And, how much more so would this apply to one’s own offspring, even when his eyes were dimmed (ibid. 27:1)? Additionally, Rivka was not deluded by her son Aisav, and would certainly have told her husband Yitzchak of the many violations Aisav was committing at the time. How is this answered?
Rav Rubman responded simply, that in reality, Yitzchak knew his son Aisav only too well. Additionally, Yitzchak was aware that his son Aisav resembled the swine of the Midrash B’raishis Rabba 65-1, in a comparison with Rome, which descended from Aisav:
“…..When the swine is lying down, it puts out its (split) hoofs, as if to say, ‘I am clean!‘ So does this wicked State (Rome) rob and oppress, yet pretend to be executing justice…..”
For a mammal to be considered Tahor (clean to eat), two physical signs are necessary. It must have a completely split hoof, and must chew its cud. The swine, which only has the split hoof, is quick to stick it out, to deceive everyone into thinking it is Tahor. Aisav was also quick to display his false piety, even though his father knew exactly what was in his son’s mind.
As well, after Yitzchak’s eye dimmed, he could still distinguish which of his sons stood before him, as we see when Ya’akov came to his father with goat skins on his arms, wearing the clothing of Aisav:
“And Yitzchak said to his son (Ya’akov), ‘How is it that you have found it so quickly, my son?’ And he (Ya’akov) said, ‘Because HaShem your G-d brought it to me.” (B’raishis 27:20)
On this Passuk, the Midrash B’raishis Rabba 65-19, taught:
“Yitzchak stated, ‘I know that Aisav does not mention the name of the Holy One Blessed is He! Since this one does mention Him, he is not Aisav but Ya’akov!”
Without question then, Yitzchak was very well aware of the character and nature of both of his sons. As well, we see in the B’racha (blessing) given by Yitzchak, that he knew which stood before him. For, in the B’racha given to Ya’akov masquerading as Aisav, Ya’akov stated:
“Therefore, G-d give you of the dew of heaven, and the fatness of the earth…..” (B’raishis 27:28)
However, prior to Ya’akov leaving for Padan Aram, when there was no confusion over sibling identity, Yitzchak blessed Ya’akov with:
“And give the blessing of Avraham to you, and to your seed with you; that you may inherit the land…..” (ibid. 28:4)
Only when Ya’akov was himself, not disguised as his brother, was he given the B’racha of his grandfather Avraham. This being so, our question is even stronger. Knowing all this about his son, how could Yitzchak be deceived into loving Aisav? Rav Rubman responded in the following manner.
The truth is, that concerning children who turn away from their parents’ instruction, there are two kinds. The first simply does not listen to even one word his parents say, ignoring them completely, as if they weren’t even there. As far as such an offspring is concerned, he is to be cast out from the house, banished away from his parents.
Yet, there is another type of rebellious offspring, who while not listening to his parents either, does in fact, show them great respect. For such an offspring, parents must go out of their way to bring him closer, for there certainly is much more of a chance that such an offspring will repent in the end. This was the case with Aisav, as we see in the Midrash B’raishis Rabba 65-16:
“Rabban Shimon Ben Gamliel said, ‘All my lifetime I attended upon my father, yet I did not do for him a hundredth part of the service which Aisav did for his father. I used to attend upon my father in soiled garments and go out in the street in clean ones. But, when Aisav attended on his father, he attended upon him in royal robes…..’”
As well, when Aisav discovered that Ya’akov deceived him in the B’racha of their father, and wanted revenge, he stated:
“…..And Aisav said in his heart, ‘When the days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I slay my brother Ya’akov.’” (B’raishis 27:41)
Aisav would not kill his brother while their father Yitzchak still lived, because Aisav at least, had that consideration for his father. As can be seen again, while Aisav had the disreputable qualities of being a sinner and a fraud, he did nonetheless, respect and honor his father.
In fact, from the Midrash B’raishis Rabba 76-2, we see that a great part of Ya’akov’s fear of his brother, was that for the twenty two years in which Ya’akov was away from home, Aisav honored his parents, which would gain Aisav much merit in the eyes of HaShem. In the words of Ya’akov, we find:
“…..Again, during all these years he has duly honored his parents; then perhaps he will attack me in virtue of having honored his parents…..”
Rav Rubman explained that even though Yitzchak was very familiar with the evil nature of his son Aisav, he did see some good in him, and he extended his love to his son, in order to influence him for the good, which can be perceived from the following. Concerning Rivka’s love for Ya’akov, and Yitzchak’s love for Aisav, we have already seen:
“And Yitzchak loved Aisav, because there was trapped game (of Aisav) for his mouth; but Rivka loved Ya’akov.” (B’raishis 25:28)
As per Rivka, the language in LaShon HaKodesh is ‘Oheves Es Ya’akov.’ That is, she loved Ya’akov fully with purpose and intent. However, with Yitzchak, the language is ‘Vaye’ehav Yitzchak Es Aisav,’ a less emotional love. That is, Yitzchak’s love for Aisav was more external, more nonchalant, and more for effect, in order to convince him to repent.
Rav Rubman concluded by saying that here is the very obstacle which parents must overcome, when dealing with their children. Every parent must initially realize that what produces positive results for one child, is not necessarily true for another. It is as Shlomo HaMelech taught so long ago:
“Train up a child in his own personal way; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Mishlei 22:6)
That is, a parent must know when to show love, and when to show anger. He must know when to bring the child close, and when to admonish him. And, most importantly, as Yitzchak, an effective parent must always have in mind the positive aspects of a child. In essence, parents must have the patience to work diligently with their offspring, in each child’s own individual manner. Love, patience, and the reliance on the assistance of HaShem, are the only formula for results when it comes to raising children. May we remember this at all times.
May we soon see the G’ulah Sh’laimah in its complete resplendency- and in our times.
Good Shabbos.
NCYI's Weekly Divrei Torah Bulletin is sponsored by the Henry, Bertha and Edward Rothman Foundation - Rochester, New York; Cleveland, Ohio; Circleville, Ohio
* * * * *
The National Council of Young Israel's Divrei Torah Bulletin is a weekly newsletter. If you'd like to receive our weekly e-newsletter with the Parshat Hashavua, Click here to sign up!
|
