Parshat Toldot

Rabbi Elchanan Weinbach

Director, New Jersey Region, National Council of Young Israel

4 Kislev 5760

November 13, 1999

Daf Yomi: Chagigah 9

“New York, New York, New York” - If that seems repetitive, than what should we say of the Torah’s presentation of Rivka in the second pasuk of Toldos: “And Yitzchok was forty years old when he took Rivka, the daughter of Besuel the Aramean, from Padan Aram, who was the sister of Lavan of Aram, for a wife.”  Why the thrice-repeated identification with Aram?

Rashi explains this as a note of praise.  Rivka was the daughter of a rosho (evil person), the sister of a rosho, and from a community of roshoim, and yet did not learn from their actions. 

Remarkable indeed, yet is it really possible?  How could an impressionable young child (according to the Midrash, only three years old), not be influenced by an environment so consistently wicked?  Does this not fly in the face of child and educational psychology?

HaRav Yochanon Zweig, Rosh HaYeshiva of the Talmudic University of Florida, provides a further insight.  The Torah’s names for places, people and nations are often indicative of the inner nature of what is named.  Following the name of the region, Aram, Lavan is identified as arami.  It is the smallest of steps to identify the person and the place with a different word, ramai, deceiver.  The people of Aram were specialists at deceiving others, and Besuel and Lavan were no exceptions (witness Yaakov’s dealings with Lavan a generation later).

What does it take to be a successful con artist?  Why is it that people so often fall prey to what, at the time, seemed a sincere, caring individual.  Rav Zweig explains that at the root of every deception is sensitivity.  To sell his goods, the con artist must be sensitive to what his victim’s wants and needs and weaknesses are.  Perhaps it’s the desire for a “quick buck”, perhaps the need to feel recognized.  Whatever the weakness, the con artist feels out his victim, sensitive to every detectable nuance, and then moves in for the kill.  To be more to the point, all successful con artists are highly sensitive people.  Of course, their sensitivity is very misplaced!

With this in mind, we can read Rashi with greater understanding.  Rashi had indicated that Rivkah did not learn from their actions.  Indeed, from their actions not, yet their basic character trait, sensitivity, came through to her loud and clear.  Like her unworthy family, Rivkah was sensitive to the total needs of the other person.  For Besuel and Lavan, this sensitivity was the tool of their trade in deception; for Rivkah, it was the vehicle of her Avodas HaShem in chesed.  At its highest level of expression, chesed is caring for the total needs of the individual in need.  We see this reflected in Rivkah in the previous Parshah.  Eliezer came to find a wife for the son of Avrohom, who is identified by Chazal as the Av (father) of chesed.  Eliezer is looking for a girl who is a paradigm of chesed.  Hence, his test is formulated to see if the girl will see beyond the obvious needs of the weary traveler, a drink for Eliezer, and seek to satisfy the total needs of the caravan leader, providing water for the camels as well. 

This same concept is the basis for Rambam’s levels of charity.  A person in need of support has more than a financial need.  What about the shame of requesting charity?  The embarrassment of looking the donor in the eye?  The haunting knowledge that someone out there knows your need?  For the recipient of tzedokoh, there are manifold emotional and psychological issues to be addressed, and with each increased level in Rambam’s progression, the total needs of the recipient are more sensitively attended to, until at the highest level, providing a job opportunity, the recipient feels no shame at all.  “No one has given me! I have earned”.  This is chesed, sensitivity to the total needs of the recipient.

Indeed, as the psychologist and educator and parent know, no child escapes the influence of environment.  Rivka is praised because, while absorbing the inner trait of Aram, she did not learn from their actions.  For her, and for all her descendants, sensitivity is at the root of all chesed, one of the three indelible traits that, along with being modest and merciful, define the Jewish People.